you should be doing something
For the last few days I've been suffering from a cold. One of the symptoms is that I am very tired. I spent most of yesterday afternoon on the couch, alternating between watching a movie and dozing.
And I noticed something interesting.
About the whole time I was laying on the couch, I had a voice inside my head saying: "You should be doing something."
"You should be doing something"
"You should be doing something"
"You should be doing something"
I'm starting to notice this voice more and more as I cut down on my commitments and find myself with free time here and there (a new situation for me...).
I do really enjoy working on projects and side projects but I'm determined to ignore this voice until I feel that I want to work on a particular project. I'm not thrilled about this word "should" and I'd kind of like to know in whose opinion I "should" be doing this "something." I think it is far from this calm center that I am convinced I have deep down in there somewhere.
And actually, I was doing something. I was soaking in a very beautiful movie (Michelangelo Antonioni's L'avventura). There was a time that I didn't need to justify to myself the enjoyment of art and beauty. I wonder what's changed....
Comments
I think there are far fewer "shoulds" than most of us think. Yes, I should love my neighbor. Yes, I should do my taxes honestly. But if I make love to my wife because I "should," I've got some problems.
One of the best things that ever happened to me was to be left by a woman I once thought I loved. It devasted me completely, and all of a sudden, everything I was doing that I really didn't want to be doing lost any value to me whatsoever. Life is way too short to be spent doing anything but what we totally believe in and really want to do.
"And actually, I was doing something..." I hear you. Constructive, proactive downtime is as important and as much work, really, than doing a project.